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| where have i been?Well it's a well deserved question. With a not so happy answer.
I am now single.
Yep, that's right. Single.
Things are a bit fuzzy and in limbo still, but I guess I'll be alright. I guess I'll give a little synopsis...
Things hadn't been going so well between my fiance and myself. It wasn't really that things were bad, they just weren't good. Definitely not well enough to get married. My ex has been seeing a counselor few a few months and he has been on meds for depression for a couple weeks now. He just became a different person than the one i fell in love with. It's not just that he became depressed and I'm not being there for him. He had several surgeries last year and we've been through a lot together and I was there for him through all of that stuff without hesitation. This was a long, ongoing thing (a year at least) with many reasons why we should not be married to each other.
It ended in December, right before Christmas so the holiday season was just a very sad time for me. Especially since I didn't have the money to travel to see my family and we missed out on Christmas with his family as well. And though he was the one to actually break up with me, he says he didn't mean it and never wanted to lose me and he still wants to be together. I still care about him and I want him to be happy, but I realized that I hadn't been truly happy with him for sometime. He just has some things he needs to work on. He needs to be happy with himself before he can have a healthy relationship with another person.
Unfortunately, we had started integrating our lives since we were heading for marriage. Luckily, we weren't living together, but we still share a phone plan and i'm driving his car. (He has a truck that he drives.) But I moved to another state to be with him and I'm on a lease here until August. And then I don't know where I'm going to go as my immediate family isn't an option. (that's a completely different story.) I guess I will have to cross that bridge when I get to it.
And since I was no longer getting married anytime soon, there wasn't much need for this wedding xanga. I sometimes find myself still looking at wedding sites like Weddingbee. I have an $800 dress sitting in my closet. It's still very sad. I may occasionally post something here, but probably not very often.
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| silver and goldnot just a song in rudolph the red nosed reindeer.. it's also a question i have to pose...
is it ok to mix silver and gold? (colors not metals)
Pale gold is one of my wedding colors. (salmon/peach/pink color along with ivory, pale gold, and some form of green yet to be determined or just green in general.)
...and my earrings are pale gold (the type on the left)
I'm still looking for a necklace. I'll probly just go with a simple pearl drop.
...and i'm thinking about pale gold shoes
I'm not really wanting to add a lot of silver.. barely any in fact. I bought this silver cross not to long ago and i'm thinking of putting it on my bouquet.
I like having a cross somewhere and didn't think i would want to wear a cross necklace the day of, tho i considered it, i think a pearl drop would go better. But this cross has the green and pink in it and i'm leaning towards not really caring about it being silver and who cares if the bouquet matches my jewelry anyways.. and besides, my engagement ring (and most likely my wedding ring, whenever we get to that point.) is silver. (well white gold, but u get the point since i'm talking colors here.)
So, i'll probly put it on the bouquet anyways, but I was wondering what do you think...?
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| eeeeeeeee!!!
I just won a contest on WeddingBee!!  I've been wanting to try the Rariteas for awhile now. I'm so excited!! The only thing I ever won in my life was a drawing contest in 3rd grade. And the prize was a puzzle I already had. 
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| attending a wedding in a land far far away...i've been to many weddings in the past two years, but the most recent was for my roommate. (both during and post college. we were roommates until about a month before her wedding.) it was the most beautiful and personal (imo) wedding of the ones i've been to recently... and required lots of time in the car to get there. (not to mention the gas money)
my fiance thought i was crazy but i told him i was going with or without him b/c it was so important for me to be there for the wedding. my roommate has been a great friend to me and helped me out and been there for me when nobody else was. he decided to be valiant and told me he wouldn't let me go alone, which ended up being a huge relief. probably the worst part of the whole ordeal was that we didn't really have enough money to stay in a hotel... and the wedding was 8 hours away!
so we did the insane thing and left at 6am for a 4pm wedding. we made it, exhausted, but on time.
ah, sunrise... haven't seen one of those in awhile... haha...
my roommate and her dad walking down the aisle (my camera doesn't do so well indoors.. esp not after i fell down some stairs when it was looped on my wrist, thereby whacking it on the railing and putting a nice dent in it...tho it seems to be just fine outside.)
we got a bit turned around on the way to the reception due to a detour and having never been to maryland before, LoL. but it was a scenic route and i snapped a pic of these deer along the way...
a pic of one of the bridesmaid's bouquets (i loved her color scheme: ivory, green and a little brown.. lovely earth tones)
bride & groom
roomies! ...she had a lovely lace mermaid gown..
and don't worry, we weren't entirely insane.. we only drove about 2 hours after the wedding to get to virginia where i had a friend's family we could stay the night with instead of making the 8 hour drive again that night. it was a godsend b/c we never would have made it through another drive like that. so we slept in a little the next morning and left around noon to finish the trip. the best part of that was waking up to homemade pancakes, YUM!
all in all, i'm so glad that i made the effort to go. my roommate was so appreciative that we came all that way and i know i would have regretted not going to her wedding. (esp after making some effort to go to other weddings for people who have since stabbed me in the back and who i realized were not true friends, but those are stories for another day.)
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