fields_0f_gold's Xanga

where have i been?

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 02:41:39 GMT

Well it's a well deserved question. With a not so happy answer.

I am now single.

Yep, that's right. Single.

Things are a bit fuzzy and in limbo still, but I guess I'll be alright. I guess I'll give a little synopsis...

Things hadn't been going so well between my fiance and myself. It wasn't really that things were bad, they just weren't good. Definitely not well enough to get married. My ex has been seeing a counselor few a few months and he has been on meds for depression for a couple weeks now. He just became a different person than the one i fell in love with. It's not just that he became depressed and I'm not being there for him. He had several surgeries last year and we've been through a lot together and I was there for him through all of that stuff without hesitation. This was a long, ongoing thing (a year at least) with many reasons why we should not be married to each other.

It ended in December, right before Christmas so the holiday season was just a very sad time for me. Especially since I didn't have the money to travel to see my family and we missed out on Christmas with his family as well. And though he was the one to actually break up with me, he says he didn't mean it and never wanted to lose me and he still wants to be together. I still care about him and I want him to be happy, but I realized that I hadn't been truly happy with him for sometime. He just has some things he needs to work on. He needs to be happy with himself before he can have a healthy relationship with another person.

Unfortunately, we had started integrating our lives since we were heading for marriage. Luckily, we weren't living together, but we still share a phone plan and i'm driving his car. (He has a truck that he drives.) But I moved to another state to be with him and I'm on a lease here until August. And then I don't know where I'm going to go as my immediate family isn't an option. (that's a completely different story.) I guess I will have to cross that bridge when I get to it.

And since I was no longer getting married anytime soon, there wasn't much need for this wedding xanga. I sometimes find myself still looking at wedding sites like Weddingbee. I have an $800 dress sitting in my closet. It's still very sad. I may occasionally post something here, but probably not very often.

silver and gold

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 18:19:38 GMT

not just a song in rudolph the red nosed reindeer.. it's also a question i have to pose...

is it ok to mix silver and gold? (colors not metals)

Pale gold is one of my wedding colors. (salmon/peach/pink color along with ivory, pale gold, and some form of green yet to be determined or just green in general.)

...and my earrings are pale gold (the type on the left)

I'm still looking for a necklace. I'll probly just go with a simple pearl drop.

...and i'm thinking about pale gold shoes

I'm not really wanting to add a lot of silver.. barely any in fact. I bought this silver cross not to long ago and i'm thinking of putting it on my bouquet.

I like having a cross somewhere and didn't think i would want to wear a cross necklace the day of, tho i considered it, i think a pearl drop would go better. But this cross has the green and pink in it and i'm leaning towards not really caring about it being silver and who cares if the bouquet matches my jewelry anyways.. and besides, my engagement ring (and most likely my wedding ring, whenever we get to that point.) is silver. (well white gold, but u get the point since i'm talking colors here.)

So, i'll probly put it on the bouquet anyways, but I was wondering what do you think...?

Rariteas

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 08:49:07 GMT

My rariteas came in the mail today!

I haven't tried them out yet but I took some pics...

everything arrived in this woven basket with a little 'congrats'

here's the warmer and the decanter teapot.
(ignore that little white oval, i forgot to take a sticker off for pics.)

there is a coil filter in the spout to catch any flower bits from going into your teacup.

the teas came in a little drawstring pouch.
they sent me the cotton blend which consisted of dignity, simplicity & modesty.

directions for brewing...

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 02:20:04 GMT

eeeeeeeee!!!

I just won a contest on WeddingBee!! I've been wanting to try the Rariteas for awhile now. I'm so excited!! The only thing I ever won in my life was a drawing contest in 3rd grade. And the prize was a puzzle I already had.

attending a wedding in a land far far away...

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 09:33:18 GMT

i've been to many weddings in the past two years, but the most recent was for my roommate. (both during and post college. we were roommates until about a month before her wedding.) it was the most beautiful and personal (imo) wedding of the ones i've been to recently... and required lots of time in the car to get there. (not to mention the gas money)

my fiance thought i was crazy but i told him i was going with or without him b/c it was so important for me to be there for the wedding. my roommate has been a great friend to me and helped me out and been there for me when nobody else was. he decided to be valiant and told me he wouldn't let me go alone, which ended up being a huge relief. probably the worst part of the whole ordeal was that we didn't really have enough money to stay in a hotel... and the wedding was 8 hours away!

so we did the insane thing and left at 6am for a 4pm wedding. we made it, exhausted, but on time.

ah, sunrise... haven't seen one of those in awhile... haha...

my roommate and her dad walking down the aisle (my camera doesn't do so well indoors.. esp not after i fell down some stairs when it was looped on my wrist, thereby whacking it on the railing and putting a nice dent in it...tho it seems to be just fine outside.)

we got a bit turned around on the way to the reception due to a detour and having never been to maryland before, LoL. but it was a scenic route and i snapped a pic of these deer along the way...

a pic of one of the bridesmaid's bouquets (i loved her color scheme: ivory, green and a little brown.. lovely earth tones)

bride & groom

roomies! ...she had a lovely lace mermaid gown..

and don't worry, we weren't entirely insane.. we only drove about 2 hours after the wedding to get to virginia where i had a friend's family we could stay the night with instead of making the 8 hour drive again that night. it was a godsend b/c we never would have made it through another drive like that. so we slept in a little the next morning and left around noon to finish the trip. the best part of that was waking up to homemade pancakes, YUM!

all in all, i'm so glad that i made the effort to go. my roommate was so appreciative that we came all that way and i know i would have regretted not going to her wedding. (esp after making some effort to go to other weddings for people who have since stabbed me in the back and who i realized were not true friends, but those are stories for another day.)

the long promised gown pics

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 09:10:30 GMT

so i know i'm exceptionally late in getting these up but i've had some moving issues and other big things going on that have caused a lapse in my attentions to this blog. i'm still having moving issues, but i finally found someone to take a few pics for me. <insert applause and pats on my back here> please excuse the wet, just showered hair & ridiculous 'what do u want me to do' and 'where do u want me to look' faces...and the semi-messy background clutter...

here's a shot of the back and the train...

me to my friend, 'do u want me to smile? should i look at u or stare dreamily at the corner? what do i do with my hands?' i normally prefer to be behind the camera, not in front of it... so i end up looking like a pasty deer in the headlights... oh, but look! i do have boobs after all! haha!

i'm not sure why he made me do this. i have no witty explanation for this squatting pose.

he said he calls this one 'lotus flower' b/c my gown looks like a lily pad. um.. does that make me a frog? O_o

overall.. i still love my dress! it still fits well, i may need slight alterations, mostly to shorten it about 3 inches b/c i simply can't picture myself walking the aisle in 6 inch heels! i'm also thinking about adding buttons or a lace-up back instead of (or in addition to, however that would work) the zipper. the zipper makes it easy to get into, but not quite as pretty as buttons or lace-up, but we'll figure that out later. (any opinions on that? buttons or lace-up? i love the look of lace-up, but maybe buttons fit the style of the dress better?)

also, i'm probably going with a mostly down hair do, rather than anything all up like in the pics. (tho that's just a clip in my damp hair, lol) and i learned that i have a nice neckline apparently, so i shouldn't wear my hair all down, thereby blocking the view of my neck, haha!

*note to self: must work on tan!

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Sat, 28 Apr 2007 06:32:36 GMT

MY GOWN HAS ARRIVED!!!

(pics to follow soon)

decor...

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 09:40:33 GMT

Yes yes yes, i'm a photo whore...but seeing as I don't have actual wedding plans in the works, I figured I would post about some recent purchases for post wedding. (I'm a bit ahead of myself, don't you think?) I have registered at several stores, however, most, if not all, of what I have registered for will be gone by the time other people will actually be buying things for me. Soooo, I have taken the liberty of buying things myself... sad, I know.

Our future home's decor will be fairly neutral and somewhat contemporary. Looks like earth tones in the bedroom, beach colors without the beach theme in the bathroom, (ei: white, tans, blue but no seashells or fish), and kitchen still up for debate. So without furthur ado..random things I've purchased (or hope to) and yet might not be using for some time...

our bedding.. Blocks by Studio (soft microsuede, only drawback is that it has to be dry cleaned.) Just picked up the accent pillows and the only thing left to find is one more euro sham. (Bought the comforter set several weeks ago and have saved at least $300 waiting for sales and coupons, woot!) Paying around $60 for a $250 bed set kinda makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Ribbed Spa Towels by Chris Madden (fog blue) - Just bought a few this weekend.

Chris Madden Reversible Spa Rug (fog blue) - grabbed this one awhile back.

NEXT UP: Royal Doulton's Precious Platinum (I never thought I would care so much about things like dishes and sheets and towels.. go figure.) This will most assuredly be the largest expense, so I am keeping my eye out for sales.

AND: Onieda Easton Satin Flatware - Also a larger expense, but hopefully this pattern will stick around awhile... or I will be forced into getting a department store credit card with large interest rates.. yikes!

planning hiatus...

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 08:39:49 GMT

I'm so horrible at updating this. Probably because our planning as been put on hiatus. After getting engaged, I got so excited about planning and wedding magazines and gowns and flowers and everything else. But bottom line, we just have issues about location at the moment. We are from different states and both of us are currently living in a third state. So.. what state do we get married in? I'm kinda partial to my home state. And while that's probably where we end up, it's the farthest away from where we are temporarily (tho no idea how long that temporary is going to be.) living. So it's a bit hard to scope out actual vendors and ceremony/reception sites. I suppose I could be a little better at posting pictures of ideas that I like... but there is only so much time in a day. Hopefully I won't wait 3 months *gasp* until my next post tho.

I would also like to add that the one thing I've actually purchased, MY GOWN, is made and ready to be shipped!! (holy cow, i have a gown O_O) So I should soon have actual pictures of me actually wearing the actual gown I will be walking down the aisle in, actually!!

THE dress

Sat, 16 Dec 2006 22:11:47 GMT

This is my dress. It has been ordered so i won't have it for a few months. The zipper was broken on the store model, but other than that it seemed to fit well so i'm hoping i won't need too many alterations.

Pronovias "Ideal" in ivory

love the lace

details details

detail of lace

I had purchased two pairs of earrings and took them with me the second time i went to try the dress on and double check the size. The pair on left went beautifully and was my first choice anyway, so i returned the pair on the right.